Feedback

From the four thriller ideas presented in the last post, I chose 3rd and 4th ones to show the class. Here is the feedback on them received from the students and Mike:

Idea 3 

- Don't put so much information into the opening 

To make it simpler, create a contrast and enhance the rest of the story-line, replace the idea of suicide with him preparing to propose.The further plot will become more dramatic, not only will the characters need to survive, but also to sort out relationships between themselves. 

- Think of a better way for the assassin to notice the character 

It is hard to notice someone so far away, the sign that gives away David should be bigger. For example a bell starts to ring once again, so the killer sees the silhouette as he looks up to the bell tower. 

- Develop the story-line 

Think more carefully about the rest of the movie. What is its beginning, development and the ending. Maybe it should be mostly from the killer's perspective, showing his search for David and avoiding police. 

Idea 4

- Rethink the major story-line.

Although the opening scene requires some work too, it's the rest of the movie that has to be developed first. Criminals need a stronger motive than a card game debt to search for the protagonist so long. Keep the idea of addiction to gambling and the quarrel taking place during a poker game, then add more serious reasons for trouble,maybe related to casino business. A good example is Layer Cake, the protagonist finds himself with increasingly serious problems and the climax scenes have the most action. 

- Make the opening more mysterious 

Don't rush into action after the slow and intriguing opening. The pace of skirmish should escalate, the tension grow, so build it gradually after the first two shots that kill the driver. Make his enemies barely seen in the dark, so David is under bigger pressure as they shoot at him. Reveal their appearances more as he starts to win the situation.